I must make a confession. I do this publicly because my conscience has driven me to. I don’t know if this will shock you or not. I just want you to know some things… Here they are:

· I don’t really love the kids at Club Christ. I don’t really care if they live or die. I could care less if they get an education or not.

· I am not particularly interested in the suffering of others. If I could live comfortably apart from anyone who is poor or in need, I would.

· I am not really a great friend. I don’t care about what other people think really. My opinion is what matters the most. I am number one.

· I am vain. I want to bring pleasure to myself, preferably in secret, lest I be ashamed.

· I am not just a sinner. I am sin. I embody all that sin is. I am not someone to be looked up to. You should not pat me on the back. I am not who you think I am.

I could keep going, but I will stop there. I stop because I know that you might be confused. What is the point, you might say. Or you might wonder if I have slipped into some kind of depression or fatalistic way of thinking. But this is actually a moment of clarity for me. I have lived a lie. I have at times used Christianity to proclaim the favor of my name. To seek my glory. I have not accomplished anything noteworthy. I am nothing special. I am not. Believe me.

I imagine if you are a Christian you kind of expect what I am going to say next. You have heard this before and the language that I will launch into might just bounce off your heart. I don’t care. I really could care less. So stop reading if you don’t care. Why waste your time. You have more important things to do, don’t you.

For those of you who have made it this far and haven’t navigated to another link, here it is. Here is why I am confessing all of this. It is because of this God inside of me. He has won the battle. He actually had victory over me before I even knew my left foot from my right. And I have pathetically surrendered, knowing I have failed.

“I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Galatians 2:20. The only reason that I give a rip about the poor is Christ. The only reason I have compassion on people who suffer is Christ. The only reason I have friends is Christ. The only reason I deny myself secret pleasures is Christ. The only reason I am not characterized by sin is the “Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” He is the passionate one. He is the one who loves. He is the real leader here. Not I, but Christ.

Now that Christ lives in me, all that I have “done” or “gained” has no relevance to being me, Evan Hartsell. It has relevance in the cross which is now why I live with meaning and purpose. I am nothing, Christ is everything. Don’t look at me with admiration. I don’t want your praise. Give it to the one who is worthy. Give it to the one who has done all the work. Give it to the one who knows what He is doing.

In the words of John the Baptist, “He must become greater, I must become less.” –John 3:30

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